Incoming Transmission....Commlink Established...
"EARTHIES!
Did your last spaceship crash-land in a dumpster fire of regret? GOOD. Now you’ve got the perfect excuse to upgrade to the CRASH LANDING PACK—the only survival kit endorsed by intergalactic failures (and my slime-coated sense of humor).
WHAT’S IN THE BOX? (Besides cosmic despair?)
Space Monsters Magazine Issue #1 (The banned issue that got a UFO researcher ‘disappeared’ in 1997. Read at your own risk.
"Space Monsters Logo" T-shirt (your cult uniform)
Collection #1 of 5 Space Monsters Buttons (for trauma bonding)
WHY BUY?
✔️ Makes a great gift (for enemies you want to traumatize).
✔️ Guaranteed to impress (literally no one).
✔️ Survival rate: 0% (but hey, the merch is fire).
"ACT FAST, MAGGOTS! These packs are vanishing faster than your will to live!"
🔥 GRAB YOURS NOW 🔥
👉 Tag your least competent friend below. They need this.
#CrashLandingPack #SpaceMonsters #FailLikeAPro #OblivionTradingPost #GrimaldiApproved
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